joyful joyful.

it's always exciting to see people receive baptism. it's so easy to be overwhelmed by all that life throws at you to the point that we lose sight of the God we worship. but seeing people commit themselves to serving Jesus is a great reminder of how sovereign and loving God is.

as summer draws to its close, i'm realizing how extremely fortunate i am for having the friends i have. there exists a community where each of us are so willing to encourage and support one another and to belong to that is definitely a great thing. how foolish i am to forget that sometimes.

can't wait for this new year to begin, and for the great ways that God will move.

tick tock

today marks the second day i will be studying for PCATs. the exam is in a little more than 2 weeks. there is much to study. fortunately, i'm kind of a genius. oh the many blessings that have been poured over me. =] God has given me such a big head (and it's not for my brain).

growing pains

so recently, i've been realizing that music had slowly begun to lose its value. i'd be listening to a bunch of songs i think were great, singing and humming along. but what it really did was just let me hide from reality and run to this land where everything's great and wonderful. its interesting how the music you listen to shapes the way you think.

this summer's been a pretty difficult summer. each day is a struggle to remember and worship the God who is sovereign. there's still so much that needs to be worked on and areas that require repairs. but tuning into music with lyrics and tunes that mean something have definitely helped the process. i can list a handful of songs that have really been coursing through my body, lyrics that have really spoken to me and helped me heal and understand better this world we live in and how damaged it is. i'll share with you guys the lyrics from some of tbt's new ep. one looks at the injustice in our world and the other looks at humanity's brokenness, both issues that i've been thinking a lot about lately.

then there's poverty she's hard to shake because death due us part is the same as forever,
she'll rob you dry, oh you should see her cry when you find out you dont have anymore
she replies, "that is why you are poor"
Poverty, should you exist? "yes of course," the rich men insist.
they give you a dollar, and hope it gets better, but hope's been sold for today.
Mercy, do you exist? "yes of course," the good man insists.
but mercy is silent cos no one will let her give us hope for today
wealth and poverty stay.
====
so i've tried to be perfect but i'll never know, if it's ever enough for you.
because, i'm only human, and i need forgiveness too,
for everything i did and didn't do.
forgive me for everything that i said,
forgive me for all of the things that i've said,
because we're only human, and forgiveness is hard to do.

wake up call.

so i've recently been thinking about my summer. it's definitely not what i expected. where circumstances at school have always been favorable, it's definitely been a rocky road back home. especially with figuring out my career, there have been so many roadblocks that it's so easy to get discouraged. it's hard to remember that God is still in control. It's taken me a while to figure this stuff out, mostly cos i find it so difficult to talk to people about this stuff (sorry friends, that's my fault).

but i was thinking, why is there such a distance between me and God right now? why is it so hard for me to see the blessings he's poured out over me? I haven't worshipped God in a long time. He's definitely deserved a lot more than I've been giving. this morning, i thought about that. I was reminded of Union Center. I talk about it frequently when i'm at home-- in fact, I almost equate being at binghamton with being a part of that church. I thought of Brian Murphy and the songs he used to lead us in. and one song in particular hit me. all i knew was the chorus which only repeats "hallelujah" over and over. but i just decided to random google lincoln brewster and that one word and lo and behold, i found it. the song so adequately describes where i am and how i feel. it reminds me that i still gotta hold my head up high and be reminded that sovereignty over my life is not mine alone-- that i've given it over.

I love You Lord with all my heart
You've given me a brand new start
And I just want to sing this song to You
It goes like this the fourth the fifth
The minor fall the major lift
My heart and soul are praising
Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujan, hallelujah

I know that You're the God above
You're filling me with grace and love
And I just want to say thank You to You
You pulled me from the miry clay
You've given me a brand new day
Now all that I can say is hallelujah

not another statistic

death is never an easy thing to deal with. we may put on our masks but at the end of the day, it still comes off.

.learning what it means to mourn and greive.
.still, You give and take away, and yet, what shall i do but praise You.

rose-colored vision

what i've been noticing more and more in the people i surround myself with is that we always claim to be a christian community who seeks to glorify God and share the love of Jesus with others. we desire intimacy and fellowship with one another, but we usually end up settling for familiarity and complacency. i see it so evident in the asian american community, of which i'm a part of. let's be clear, i'm not here to make judgments, but it's merely my observations.

we're always trying so hard what it means to be brothers and sisters in christ. we go to fellowship and church and talk about wanting to be Christ-like and having good accountability because it's what the Bible tells us to do. but why is it so rare that i see stuff like that? to be fair, i know for a fact that there are some people that have godly community with other believers and so i'm not categorizing everyone i know into this group. honestly, i'm sick and tired of seeing people complain about how their fellowship isn't where they want it to be, or how it's just not really what you thought it would be, or even that it's not feeding you well. at what point will we all (myself included) begin realizing that it's not about us. it's not about whether we feel comfortable to share in small groups with a stranger that's been attending the meeting for 6 weeks, or about whether the style of musical worship is what you're used to from your old church or back home. no, it's all about God. beginning to the end, the Bible reeks of a story about the revelation of who God is. its about how He is redeeming all things back to Himself so that all glory might be given over to him. our fellowships and churches are to help those in our community experience God.

we talk about wanting community to be an active part of our life. what will it take for us to get there? we are not about creating therapy groups to talk about our problems and agree that they're there. we want to see God moving where we are and through us. we complain that man time is so rare amongst believers? how often after a basketball game do we ask about the real struggles that our brother is going through. or how often do we find ourselves talking about our latest crush when we're all together for one night instead of sitting down and praying that the Holy Spirit would work in the lives of our seeking friends? in my experiences, far too occasionally. if you want to see change, make it happen in your every day life. dont box it into some compartment thats about 1 hour long once a week for 7 weeks. what good is that in the long run. it's never helped me solve my problems (unless of course, i'm a special--not in the good way--case).

Jesus isn't here to walk with us for our only a half of our lifestyle. He's here to redeem all of it and He's demanding to be a part of all of it. all the glory always goes back to God.

i'm not sure who i offended or how spiritually sound my claims may be (i'm not a doctrinal buff), but i'm trusting that this is the Holy Spirit convicting me to post in this unread blog. oh yeah, and my thoughts are always this messy.

the abridged version.

previously, i was going to write a really reflective and contemplative post about where my life has taken me over these past couple weeks. i've decided to scratch that for now.

this past weekend has been a huge joy for me. there were definitely one or two moments when i felt like i was gonna lose hope, but God came in and saved the day. literally. friday, intervarsity @ binghamton saw the commitment of about 6 individuals to begin a relationship with Jesus. never in my life have i witnessed such a sight before. it amazed me, it did. God worked despite my attitude and weariness. God was actively working in the hearts of individuals all throughout lecture hall 14 friday evening. one person coming to faith starts a party in heaven. think of what six in one condensed area would start.

sunday morning. another brother comes to know Christ personally. it's freaking awesome. i'm telling you, no one alone could have done this. it's definitely the work of the Holy Spirit here. it gets me pretty darn excited. God remains faithful to his promises and his words. intervarsity @ binghamton has definitely been blessed to see the fruits of our labors and the way God uses the community of believers.

everywhere we are this week, keep praying. in conjunction with Ninth Hour's prayer week. meet God in ways that'll blow your mind.